What the F is in this coffee this morning? Because I'm pretty sure I just had a heavy dose of crazy because I just CUT MY HAIR with a pair of scissors you might find in one of those red desks with the seats on the front that my Grandma has in her basement where I used to sit and draw pictures and play pretend school that are all like 50's style and actually weigh approximately 2.5 l-b's and have a black handle and are METAL.
And special thanks goes to Bob who got laid off a few weeks ago and supplied me with said scissors for the ceremonial whacking of my own locks. I throw you street cred, Bob for providing me with your leftover 50's era scissors that were probably brand spankin' new when you started here. The signs were even there; my scissors had gone missing as if to be a warning to not go through with this. But I'm all like, "No I can do this, I pay attention at the salon" like "Trust me, I'm a doctor" and just go for it.
Also, why can't I eat a Pop Tart without wanting to go for a run immediately after consumption because they are 420 CALORIES. So you're really telling me that to have a "healthy dose" of calories for my breakfast I have to eat one and then let the other one just stare me in the face making me feel guilty for even purchasing them in the vending machine in the first place. And of course I wouldn't even be in this gdamn predicament if McDonald's credit card machine actually worked this morning and I could have purchased my fruit and yogurt parfait that I've convinced myself is healthy surely because it has yogurt and fruit in it. So I blame the haircut and pop tart consumption on McDonald's today. Also, the world's problems because on the way to work this morning WNCI said we're "the 10th fattest state in the country", thanks, in large part, to McDonald's.
Speaking of hair, has anyone ever wondered what Britney Spear's REAL hair looks like now post-crazy buzz? Cause I do.
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