Checking In- Part 1

Hello! It's been awhile. I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore (or if it was just always Libby, Mom and Grandma?) Anyway, yes I fell off the face of the planet since January, but since that last big bun I had no idea what I was in for this year. Turns out it was a lot.

For starters, Jake and I got back together officially sometime in January. Off the record around December, but we were mostly just keeping in touch through the holidays while we decided what was best for us. Which was to be together. And to live in the same city together. (Or should I say town?) At one point we said to eachother, "if we're going to do this...let's DO this." And so began my search for jobs in NW Ohio. It was extremely important for me to keep my career going without any downtime. I didn't want to move first and then find a job, fearing the unavoidable laziness that would set in after one week of not working and even more frightening to my psyche is doing nothing, which leads to depression, which leads to a dark place that I can't pull myself out of. The whole process of finding a job up here was an entire post (or chapter?) in and of itself. There were countless interviews and decisions to be made and it was all one helluva a roller coaster. Every single day I interrogated my close circle about what I should do and they all constantly reminded me about who I am and what I am worth. In the end I landed another job in healthcare marketing and I'm confident I made the best decision for this new chapter in my life.

In the meantime, I had been making my weekend trips to Napoleon to stay with Jake and one Saturday we decided to look at a couple of houses that caught our eye online. "Let's just go look" turned into us falling in love with a house we could both move into and make our own- together, starting fresh!

On March 3, 2013 my whole world turned upside down. My Mom called me just before 7am to tell me through tears that we had to go say goodbye to Grandma (her Mom) at the hospital. I don't know that I'm ready to write about the details of what I felt that day and the days afterward because they are too fresh and too hard to write. I'm crying just typing that last sentence. I have never experienced a loss of someone so close to me- someone that I loved and who loved me more than anything. Our relationship was so special and I will miss her every single day of the rest of my life. I think of her every day. Every day.

Through the midst of the grief- life moved on. It was hard to find the balance of being excited for a new life together with Jake while still grieving and hurting so much inside. I was also scared of moving away from my friends, my family, the city I grew up in and loved and knew like the back of my hand. It was all a juggling act and I do not know how I did not drop all of the balls.

We got the house at the end of March and we moved a 24 ft truck of all of my things to Napoleon. It was a hard day, to say goodbye to my Mom when we both knew we were both still hurting so much. I felt like I was abandoning her when she needed me most. But she promised me no matter how close or far we are from each other, nothing will EVER keep us from not being close. (Tears, again!)

So, as you can see, March was a blur. A big. huge. blur.

Grief.
Moving.
New job.
New town.

It was hard. It tested me. I have never been tested so much in my entire life. And I mean that. I cried some nights. And I slept....a lot. I'm sure that's not what Jake signed up for with our first month of living together. But it's pretty amazing what your body can do with grief and auto-pilot mode. And then one day that adrenaline just shuts off. My body, my mind and everything was just done. I quite literally shut. down. God, did I sleep.

But then Spring came. And my soul awakened.